I’m going to tell you about a dirty little secret that doesn’t just happen in my neighborhood—it’s probably going on all over Oahu.

My friend Rex owns a cleaning business called The Home Team.  He’s got regular clients, and some real estate clients, but he’s also got a secret Black Book of confidential clients. These ladies are regular people like you & me, but they are secretly employing Rex’s services behind their husband’s backs.

Take, for example, “Mr. & Mrs. T.” They have been retired for some time now, and Mr. T. goes walking every day at the same time like clockwork. So once a month for the last few years, Mrs. T. has Rex and his team come in for just one hour while Mr. T. is out, and they clean as much as they can in that time.

Sometimes, Mr. T. changes his plans, and Mrs. T. must discreetly communicate to Rex somehow that his team shouldn’t come over that day. Once, the team was working on a project that ran overtime, so his office manager had to call to say they wouldn’t be able to come. Unfortunately, Mr. T. answered the phone, and the manager accidentally blurted out the change in schedule.

“Whut?” said a confused Mr. T.

“Sorry! Wrong number,” gasped the horrified office manager, realizing her mistake, and hung up on him.

But Mrs. T. is no different from the many other women who are in Rex’s black book—and there are many. Like Mrs. T., they pay in cash so that this one secret indulgence cannot be traced, and their husbands come home none the wiser, thinking they’re married to such a lovely little woman who keeps the house clean.

It’s not limited to wives, either.  There was one woman who hired Rex to secretly clean her BF’s home. She wanted to impress him enough to make him propose, and she thought she could fool him into thinking she cleaned house like that. It worked.

“Isn’t that like selling him on a product that doesn’t exist?” I snorted.

“I don’t know, I just clean,” Rex shrugged. He’s no Heidi Fleiss, but he leaves people’s business alone.

I don’t know why it has to be a covert operation, since no one is getting hurt. But these women would rather die than have their husbands find out their house cleaning is being outsourced. What about you guys? Is your wife who she says she is, or do you think she’s keeping a little secret from you about her cleaning abilities?

And why does she have to hire anyone, anyway??? To me, nothing is sexier than a man who knows how to wash the dishes, scrub the bathroom, and handle a vacuum. Well, it’s even sexier if the man can do it without being told, and not because he’s OCD.

By the way, ladies, if you’d like to talk to The Home Team about, um, their secret and not-so-secret services, just call 677-0855.  They do windows, too. Wink.